EXTRA
EXTRA: Aparna Nancherla & Celebrity Lowlights
In this podcast extra, comedian Aparna Nancherla (Unreliable Narrator: Me, Myself and Imposter Syndrome) is quizzed on the former "career lowlights" of some high-profile celebrities.
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Luke Burbank: Hey there, Live Wire podcast enthusiasts. It's Luke Burbank. This week we are dropping a little podcast extra into your feed just in time for the holidays. I don't know if you remember this from but back in September, we had the comedian, actor and author Aparna Nancherla on the program. She wrote this really incredible memoir. It's called Unreliable Narrator: Me, Myself and Imposter Syndrome. And the book has all kinds of really interesting observations on Aparna's life, things that the rest of us who tend to be anxious can kind of take from her experience. One of the things that she talks about in the book was something called her Failure Resumé, which included some of the kind of lowlights of her employment history. So we wanted Aparna to feel like she was part of a community of people who have had maybe surprising jobs as they were trying to make their way to celebrity status. So we put together a quiz about career lowlights of some other people in the public eye. We call this: Failure is an Option. We did not have enough time to feature it on the radio broadcast, but we thought that it was too funny to just leave on the editing room floor. So we wanted to share it with you right now. Take a listen to this. It's Aparna Nancherla, recorded live at the Hult Center for the Performing Arts in Eugene, Oregon. One of the things that you write about in this book, Unreliable Narrator is your some kind of lowlights of your early employment history. Like, for instance, you tried to sell Cutco knives.
Aparna Nancherla: I did.
Luke Burbank: Which is a common theme among creative types that I know.
Aparna Nancherla: Really?
Luke Burbank: Many people had a Cutco knife phase because it seems like, you know, you can make a lot of money. We didn't want you to feel too disappointed about that not working out for you, so we wanted to put a quiz together about the career lowlights of some other people in the public eye. This is a quiz that we're calling: Failure is an Option.
Live Wire House Band: She works hard for the money. So hard for it honey. She works hard for the money but she's really bad at it.
Luke Burbank: Yes. She works hard for her money, but she is really bad at it. Live Wire house band. All right. Here are some—this is all very real. I want to stress that because when you hear the questions, you'll think, no, the Live Wire writing team made that up. This is all very real. Before becoming the queen of rap, Nicki Minaj was fired from a job at Red Lobster for which thing: was it overcooking the lobster? Was it showing her lyrics to customers? Was it for flipping off customers or was it for forgetting items on the menu? Which one of those things was getting Nicki Minaj fired from Red Lobster back in the day?
Aparna Nancherla: Okay, so I'm going to talk through them. The first one, not cooking the lobster, I– when you said she worked there, I picture her as a server. [Luke Burbank: Yeah.] So I was like, I don't think they're letting her cook the lobster.
Luke Burbank: I also assume that lobster, let's be honest, is pre-cooked.
Aparna Nancherla: Yeah, and maybe not even lobster.
Luke Burbank: I feel like—it might be one of those might be one of those restaurants. Remember the rumor that, like, you'd hear, like, I heard Applebee's—all they have is a microwave. They don't even have—there's the kitchen. There's not even a stove in there. Didn't you—anyone else hear that rumor growing up? See?
Aparna Nancherla: How do you cook salad in the microwave?
Luke Burbank: You don't. You just put it in the bowl and brain. Okay, so you're you're ruling out overcooking the lobster.
Aparna Nancherla: And then the second one was?
Luke Burbank: Showing her lyrics to customers, which might be a little racy for for some some customers depending on their proclivities.
Aparna Nancherla: I also don't imagine rappers being like, hey, look at this thing I wrote. It feels like more of a performed medium, so I'm going to breeze through that one. And then the third one was?
Luke Burbank: Flipping off customers.
Aparna Nancherla: I mean, I like that one. I feel like so many people deserve to be flipped off. [Elena Passarello: At Red Lobster?] Yes, yes, yes. At so many. Yeah.
Elena Passarello: If only the lobsters could flip people off.
Luke Burbank: Yes, that's why—that's why they rubber band their claws together. There was a number of incidents.
Aparna Nancherla: And then?
Luke Burbank: Forgetting items on the menu.
Aparna Nancherla: Oh, I mean, that feels like a classic. I'm going to go with flipping off because I wanted.
Luke Burbank: You're going to be absolutely right Aparna Nancherla.
Aparna Nancherla: Yay!
Luke Burbank: Apparently there was an incident where Nicki Minaj chased a couple out of the Red Lobster and flipped them off after they stole her pen. When GQ magazine later, I presume, many years later, asked her if it was a special pen. She said no. It was just the principle.
Aparna Nancherla: I love that. I love.
Luke Burbank: That.
Aparna Nancherla: Yes, I like her fandom has carried on that mindset.
Luke Burbank: Absolutely. Like you would know that that's a person that's going somewhere. [Aparna: Yes.] This person can be bigger than this Red Lobster in Queens or wherever it might have been. Taylor Swift's first job was A) a barista at a local coffee shop. B) a horse trainer. C) selling knockoff Girl Scout cookies or D) as an exterminator.
Aparna Nancherla: Oh, I want it to be exterminator. Can you imagine?
Luke Burbank: I can, because I have the answer right here.
Aparna Nancherla: Okay, let's see. I don't think it's exterminator. I mean, I sense some horse, horse girl vibes [Luke:Yeah, sure.] in her. So I'm going to go with horse trainer.
Luke Burbank: Oh, it was exterminator.
Aparna Nancherla: What? Really?
Luke Burbank: But with some context, ok?
Aparna Nancherla: Okay.
Luke Burbank: She—her family owned a Christmas tree farm.
Aparna Nancherla: Of course.
Luke Burbank: And I know that is on brand. I feel like Taylor Swift was born in a Christmas tree.
Aparna Nancherla: Yes. Yeah. She was the first known baby born in a Hallmark holiday movie.
Luke Burbank: Right? And her job was to get rid of the praying mantis pods that were living in the Christmas trees before they could go to get to their full Christmas tree-ness.
Aparna Nancherla: Wow. The dark side of Christmas tree farms. Wow. That's where she gets her material from. [Luke:Yes.]That's the pain.
Luke Burbank: Before, here's another one, before. Pope Francis was the pope. [Aparna Nancherla: Mm-hmm.] He was just Francis. That's actually not true. He was just, I believe, Jorge was his real name before he was the pope. I like to think of him as Frank. What was a job that he had before becoming the pope, was it: he was a bouncer at a nightclub? Was it: he was an up and coming boxer. Was it: he was a caricature artist? I just love the idea of him drawing someone on a surfboard with, like, very large head and very small body hanging ten. Or was he a wine salesman? Was Pope Francis a bouncer or nightclub and up and coming boxer or a caricature artist or a wine salesman?
Aparna Nancherla: Oh, my gosh. I—I'm going to go with a...
Luke Burbank: I love you searching your memory for things, you know, about Pope Francis that might help you with this.
Aparna Nancherla: Well, no, I mean, the church has a history with wine, right? So those are sort of like–[Luke: and a future] and the future.
Luke Burbank: And let me tell you: a right now.
Aparna Nancherla: But then I would also say the pope has a big head, so maybe caricature artist. I'm going to go wild and say, boxer.
Luke Burbank: Oh close, bouncer. Whoa. Also, he had a job as a janitor and as a technician in a food science laboratory.
Aparna Nancherla: What?
Luke Burbank: Yeah. All things that the pope did early in life. Okay.
Aparna Nancherla: Do you think his parents were like, You're all over the place dude. You—we can't keep paying your rent.
Luke Burbank: We should—Hold on. We need you to order this pizza. We need some direction in your life, George. All right. This is a great one. I'd actually heard this story somewhere else. Bill Hader was fired from his job at a movie theater for doing what? You probably have—have you crossed paths with Bill Hader in your illustrious comedy career?
Aparna Nancherla: Not directly, but I do feel like I read a profile with him where this might have been said.
Luke Burbank: Well, that's considered research, and that's totally appropriate in this game. [Aparna Nancherla: Okay.] He was fired from a movie theater job for doing what? For watching the movies instead of working? For spoiling the end of a movie? For doing stand up during the previews? Or for telling people which movies not to watch?
Aparna Nancherla: Oh, okay. I know he's a cinephile, so I'm going to go with A.
Luke Burbank: Watching the movies instead of working.
Aparna Nancherla: Yeah. Yeah.
Luke Burbank: That's the answer that you're giving.
Aparna Nancherla: Yeah.
Luke Burbank: It's in fact, B) spoiling the end of a movie, specifically the movie Titanic.
Aparna Nancherla: What?
Luke Burbank: The story goes—
Aparna Nancherla: You can't spoil it!
Luke Burbank: Well, the story goes that a sorority had rented out the movie theater to watch Titanic, and they were treating Bill Hader kind of shabbily as they came in. And so as punishment, he basically told them the ship sinks at the end and was fired for that. All right. Last one, Danny DeVito's first job was as a semi-professional juggler, as a background dancer, as a telemarketer selling pens or as a person styling people's hair at a mortuary.
Aparna Nancherla: Wait just a quick side question. What is a semiprofessional juggler.
Luke Burbank: Somebody who is also having to do some other work to pay their bills? Semiprofessional juggler.
Aparna Nancherla: Okay. Okay. Got it. I'm going to say mortuary hair here.
Luke Burbank: You're exactly right. The story goes that Danny DeVito's and these are all stories of people looking for direction. Danny DeVito's older sister was trying to help him through his young life and find some sort of way to support himself. And so she enrolled him in beauty school. And so he learned how to cut hair. But then oftentimes family, friends and other people, when they had a loved one pass away, they would hire Danny to come in and do the person's hair up one last time.
Aparna Nancherla: That does feel a little bit passive aggressive to be like, Oh, I know someone's hair you can do.
Luke Burbank: Right? Like living people? Maybe not. We're not ready for that yet, Danny. Very good Aparna, that was impressive work. Thank you so much for coming on the show. The book is Unreliable Narrator by Aparna Nancherla, right here on Live Wire. [Aparna Nancherla: Thank you. Thank you.] That was Aparna Nancherla right here on Live Wire, recorded at the Hult Center in Eugene. Make sure to check out Aparna's latest book. It's called Unreliable Narrator: Me, Myself and Imposter Syndrome. And please enjoy the rest of the holidays folks. We'll see a very soon.
