Reflections By The Poole: What The Hell Happened While I was Gone? | Live Wire Radio

Live Wire House Poet Scott Poole read this poem on Live Wire Radio Episode 219, which also featured Marc Maron, Monica Drake, and music by Natasha Kmeto.

 

What The Hell Happened While I was Gone?
by Scott Poole

 

Well, I had sex
with you? Remember that?
Well, not tonight, but earlier
and then pop
and woah
and what you know
and diapers and milk
and people awake wrongly
everywhere.
Babies are cute
when they first
come into the world, right?
Except when
you want to send them
into the street to play
even though they can’t walk.
But I didn’t do that.
I didn’t do that.
Because
they're cute
you decide to hug
them instead
and they throw up
on you
and then you want
throw them up
in the air
lovingly and
make them giggle
and that makes
you giggle
and that makes
them giggle
and that makes
you giggle
and that makes
them giggle
but then
they begin
to cry for no
perceptible
reason so you
decide to run
a marathon inside
your poor living
situation
because everyone
has a poor living
situation
when they have a baby
and you think
for reason
that doing
an incredibly taxing
activity
like running in place
for an hour
is somehow
going to make the
baby tired
but instead just
makes you less able
to deal with their
cries which is
why you must first
fix yourself
a delicious beverage
and if they cry
on the floor
so what, who cares
it doesn’t affect you
you can just imagine
them as a fully functional
real size adult
having a tantrum on the floor
to get attention
and that you’re
the world’s biggest person
so big
that everyone else on
earth looks like a baby
and if they want
to have a tantrum
on the floor that’s
each baby-looking person’s
right to do so
and none of your damn business.
And that’s a fun game,
pretending you’re the
world’s biggest
responsible person.
Wow, what’s in these
Gin and tonics?
And now you realize
that you’re not
really not that responsible
and you’re only big
in the wrong places.
And you start crying
and the baby is crying
and you’re crying together
and it becomes kind of a
contest to see who can
cry the loudest, the kind
of contest that winning
means you’ve lost the most.
But still it’s better than
watching television,
you swore you wouldn’t
watch television in front
of the baby because
of the shooting and screaming
and explosions
and dead people, yuck,
but hey this show
has the duckies and the deer
and it’s just the Oregon Field Guy Guide
and hey look at funny moose
with the thing on its head
and it’s a beautifully program.
Really it is.
Great production values.
I think it won a grammy or a gremmy.
And that’s when
you came home and
found me passed out on
the floor, with the baby
sitting on my chest
with a full diaper
watching Downton Abbey
and trying to crack the baby lock
on a bottle of Oxycodone.
It’s not my fault.
Isn’t he cute?